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So Worth Loving

I Hated Myself and My Anxiety

I have been diagnosed with bi-polar type 2 disorder and anxiety disorder. It’s sometimes hard to cope with, and I have low self-worth at times.

Let’s start with what I believe when all of this began. In 2009, I had a horrible break-up with an ex-boyfriend, whom I thought I was going to marry and be happy with. That didn’t happen. I didn’t know what to do. We had dated for 5 years and that’s all I knew for the longest time. I didn’t know how to cope. Let’s just say my anxiety was at an all time high, and I hated myself for it.

I was able to turn my anxiety/depression into something of being a comedian and making people happy and laugh at my jokes. I hid behind those things. I didn’t want people to think I was going through a hard time.


That break-up was the best thing that happened to me, though. I re-discovered myself. I did things for ME. If I couldn’t make myself happy again, I couldn’t make my next relationship work. I worked on bettering myself, as a person mentally and physically. I became content with myself and I needed to move on.

A few months later I started talking to an old friend. He helped me cope with my feelings and low self-esteem, and made me feel really good about myself. Let’s say he “saved me from myself”. We got to talking a lot more and more to the point where I decided I could move on and finally be happy. 

The point I’m trying to make is that even though you go through rough patches in your life, you can always overcome. You look at the past and you learn from it and you decide that’s not what was planned for you. Hearing about the So Worth Loving campaign is so perfect for me. I am so grateful for this. You guys make me smile even more and the stuff you guys post have helped me through a lot, whether it be the days where I feel down about myself, or empower myself. Thank you guys for helping another person to cope and be happy with themselves.

Oh yeah, what happened to that old friend? Well, we are married and have a beautiful baby girl together. So, this would be a perfect example of overcoming odds. I am finally happy, and when I have one of those “days” I look at my baby girl and husband and smile because this was meant for me. This was MY plan all along.

Love, Erin Laub

Eight Weeks Later: I Had My Miscarriage

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 I am a newlywed, married the love of my life in March, and it was the perfect fairy-tale I had always imagined. Life was wonderful. Come summer, we get even more amazing news (something my significant other had always longed for): I was pregnant. While we weren’t trying, we weren’t preventing either and until that moment when I saw that life-changing blue line, I never realized how much I wanted to be a mom. It was an exhilarating feeling, and we were on such a high, we were happy, we were in love and we were excited about the future.

Fast forward eight weeks later to the day I had my miscarriage. After the horrible initial emergency-room visit, the next few days were filled with OB appointments, blood draws, many tears, and painful agonizing cramping. I truly thought the hard part was over and I could try and move on: something I have been fairly good at in life.

I couldn’t.

My thoughts started to go to dark places. I was now jealous of my friends with kids and couldn’t look at pictures because I would immediately cry. I had no will to do anything, and for weeks I sat on the couch and wouldn’t move. I avoided seeing anyone at all costs. The only place I was obligated to go was work, and that’s all I did. I felt like I had failed as a wife and as a woman. I was embarrassed and devastated. I felt alone and like no one could understand how much pain I was really in. Most of all I couldn’t understand why God would want this for us. What had we done to deserve this? Everything seemed so perfect in my eyes.

I don’t cry everyday anymore; not even close. I will never forget about the first time I was pregnant, and I’m now prepared for next time with all the books I now have, those cute onesies from my sister, and pair of maternity pants I bought. I still don’t know why it happened, I probably never will. What I have learned is a much more valuable lesson.

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There is no right way to grieve, and no limit to the amount of time it will take but you can fight your demons. This is not a dead-end road. So many people love you more than you know. The change is in your thoughts, your heart. You have to believe better things are coming, and be so thankful for the things you do have every single day.

It is impossible to be negative when you have gratitude. If I could just help one person get through the hurt and loss of a miscarriage, I will gladly share my story. It gets a little easier each time I do.

Written and loved on by Sasha

What Is The Reason To Love Myself?

“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.”

– Blaise Pascal

Here’s the thing about loving ourselves, really, about loving anything or anyone: We always want there to be a reason. We always seem to be asking “why?”

Why do you love her? Because she’s beautiful/smart/kind/awesome/all I can think about.

Why do you love this? Because it’s fun/important/makes me happy/makes me feel alive.

Why do you love you?

And there is nothing wrong with the question why. It’s the fundamental question. But love and reason don’t always go together, and what I mean by that is this: love does not always need a reason. True Love rarely does. There may be a reason, but love doesn’t need one. That applies to lots of things. But most of all to the love of self, the kind of love I’ve always had a hard time cultivating, the kind SWL is all about.

When we finally come around to the idea that we are allowed to love ourselves, we tend to think of reasons. We’ll make lists of all our good qualities. And that can be good. It can be very good to have a list of things we like about ourselves, that are good, that remind us that we are good. Just like it is good to surround ourselves with people who really love us, to remind us we are loved and loveable.

But I know people loving me doesn’t always mean I love myself.  In the same way, just because there are reasons to love me doesn’t mean I always do. And if you’re like me, sometimes you feel like you need a reason. A reason to believe you are so worth loving. But, here’s the thing: you don’t.

We say “I’m so worth loving because…”  Because I’m smart or funny or x or y or z, and all those points may very well be good, but at the end of the day we have to be able to say “I am so worth loving.”

Period.

Full stop.

  • The whole point of So Worth Loving is that the reason you are so worth loving is because you are.

There may be many reasons why we are worth loving, but the chief reason, the first and last, needs to be that we simply are worth loving. We are worth loving because we are worth loving. We are valuable because we have value. Not because something gives us value but because we have always been valuable. We have never not been.

Written and loved on by Douglas Humphries

It’s better to focus on the adventure than the end-goal.

If you focus on the end-goal, you’ll lose your sense of adventure, but if you focus on the adventure, your end-goal might end up something better than you could have ever imagined.

Karlye Hayes (Blog On The Road: Boone, North Carolina)

Blog On The Road: Boone, North Carolina

Hey SWL family! 

So this weekend, I decided to embark on my very first solo road-trip to visit a friend in Boone, North Carolina. Being one who lives in Atlanta, what you see in this picture is absolutely alien to my day-to-day views at home.

I wanted to share about this journey because I definitely went through some reflection time while I drove a total of eight hours today, and I felt like sharing this time with you. 

Like I said, this was my first solo road-trip. I am 22 years-old, and I have never driven more than three hours alone in my vehicle. I always felt uncomfortable with the thought of driving for so long with no one to sing the crazy 90’s music with me, as well as no one to keep me awake (which is definitely important). 

This may not seem like a big deal to most, but through this trip, I realized that I had broken through a barrier that I never knew existed. 

I became okay with being by myself.

I’m an only child, but I always had someone by my side. Getting older, I appreciated alone time more, but lately, I have been unintentionally insecure about being by myself. It almost seemed that if I took a long trip by myself, I would always be by myself.

Today’s drive proved me absolutely wrong, and it showed me that I can embrace moments with an overwhelmed heart with or without someone there to share that moment with me. With views similar to the picture above, it was as if I had that landscape all to myself for that moment. Nature and I had a bond that no one could or would take away. 

In today’s drive next to nature, I was reminded that I was so worth loving in the alone-times. 

Being comfortable with yourself is a great thing, but a bigger step is being comfortable by yourself. 

How do you feel when you’re by yourself? 

Do you feel like the truest you, or do you feel as if you couldn’t be farther apart from who you truly are. 

I can’t wait to see what else I learn this weekend, and I definitely will be sharing it with your lovely reading eyes. 

Love you, family,

Karlye

Real life isn’t a straight-forward comedy. Bad things happen too and they’re not funny, and then bad things happen and then they can be funny. When you’re unhappy, you don’t go an entire time without laughing. You don’t go your whole life without laughing. It’s just life.

Jennifer Lawrence