The Lie Is Not True
A few nights ago, I had a horrible dream.
In the dream, I imagined that those who love me most would be disloyal to me and leave me; as with most dreams, it was a crazy mash-up of random locations and people with faces I didn’t recognize but the emotions of the dream were incredibly palpable. And when I woke up, I could not shake the feelings that followed.
Feelings like worthlessness and inadequacy. Feeling like I wasn’t good enough for those loved ones to stick around. Feeling like I had nothing to contribute to the world, in my personal life or at large. I started thinking about my life and how it seems as if it is going nowhere. I don’t feel like an awesome wife. I have a four degree I don’t use. I have a photography business that’s really slow, sometimes nonexistent. I want kids but I can’t have them because of our debt. We have debt and so I have to work. I don’t have ambitions beyond being a mom and a wife (and now perhaps a blogger and a photographer). And so the cycle continued in my mind as I went throughout my day.
Then I talked with a friend. She asked me some questions, particularly trying to get to the root of why I had such an emotional dream. And then she hit me with this: “So, would it be safe to say that you are believing a lie that you are worthless and inadequate?“
Since we were on Facebook chat, she couldn’t see this but I grinned as I read that. Only this friend would have thought to ask that question in that way- and I immediately knew she was right. Rather than listening to the “voice of Truth,” I was choosing to let a dream sway my thoughts and emotions to believe a lie. She suggested I do this: “Here’s a thought, maybe you could sit down and write out all the things that you do well. I urge you to speak truth to that lie. When you start feeling worthless and inadequate, go over that list.”
And so I wrote this: I am a smart person. I am a good photographer.
I may not always be a great wife but I have a husband who loves me unconditionally. I have family and friends who will always be there for me. I can write well. I have hits on my blog every day. I have a well paying job and my employer trusts me. I can analyze books and movies; still not sure why I have that skill but I do. I’m capable of doing a lot if only I get off my lazy butt. I have a baby to nanny while I can’t have one of my own. I have so many blessings that I can’t even begin to count them.
Do you struggle with feeling like you’re not good enough? Do you feel as if your life might be stuck? Don’t get caught in the lie. THE LIE IS NOT TRUE. And I’ll pass along my friend’s recommendation: Write out a list of things you do well, of blessings that you have. I think you’ll start to see how worthy and adequate you truly are.
Post by Kaitlin McDuffie