"If you don’t have something nice to say, you’re not thinking hard enough.”
Love you. Love people.
"If you don’t have something nice to say, you’re not thinking hard enough.”
Love you. Love people.
New Blog Post!
”It’s okay to acknowledge that we have feelings that can be bruised and raw. It’s really very okay if we seek out someone to talk with, opening up and exposing ourselves to the redemption that comes through friendship. ”
Jealousy. We have all struggled with it to some degree.
There are constantly things in our lives that we are lacking in or haven’t got, that’s life. When we see someone else with what we want, jealous feelings naturally arise.
In some situations jealousy is fleeting and harmless. But there is another kind - the overpowering jealousy that controls and damages relationships.
In typical writers fashion, before setting out to write about this topic I Googled the definition:
jeal·ous·y (noun): resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
The word that jumped out from the page at me was this: rival.
I don’t know about you but the last person I was jealous of was not a rival, nor has it even really been. It was a friend, one that I love dearly and am close to. Life has dealt us both a different set of cards, she has different talents and skills and she is a different person. Not better or worse, just different. And for one of those reasons, I was jealous.
Jealousy is a divider. It can divide best friends and turn them into enemies. It’s dangerous for women (and men? I don’t know). In the community of So Worth Loving we want to combat the epidemic of jealousy because the cause is rooted in our core message: that we all have value and we are all worth loving.
Let me explain the connection. When I was a teenager jealousy ruled my life! I was never content with my personality, looks or abilities and I was constantly envious of everyone else. There were a few particular girls that in my eyes, ‘had it all’. They were pretty, fun and successful. I would never be as great as them.
Fast forward a few years and one day I see one of these girls in passing. We had grown apart and though I can’t remember exactly why, I wouldn’t be surprised if my jealousy was partly to blame. It’s shameful but it isn’t unheard of; I think this happens often in female friendships.
Seeing her was lovely, we chatted and caught each other up on our lives. She was the same beautiful person, but something in our interaction was different.
I walked away confused about why my time with her was so relaxed and pleasant compared to when I was younger. Then it came to me: the envy was gone. I had always thought she was way ‘cooler’ than me and I didn’t measure up. But in the years passed, I had gained some self-esteem and security in who I was. I still thought she was great but that’s as far as it went. I didn’t want to be her, I wanted to be me.
What happened? Simply put, I had grown to like myself. I had started to see myself the way my friends and family saw me. I decided to see the good things in myself and in my life, and truly appreciate them. It changed everything!
We will never truly kick jealousy. It will always threaten your friendships, but it is up to you to determine that the threats are empty. The green eyed monster doesn’t have to win. To tame it, all you need to do is value yourself and live the best life you can.
Look at what you DO have and appreciate those. Pick your favourite part of your body, your personality, your talents, your job, your family, your house, your clothes. Do it now! Focus on the light that has been there all along, overshadowed by your envy of others.
Give yourself a chance to shine.
Let’s be a community that enjoys each other’s successes! Your day will come to get that promotion, job, relationship, home, car or big trip around the world. For the things you cannot change, accept them and guard your friendships because they are precious.
You are valuable and have something to give too, so don’t let jealousy win.
Post by Micaela Hollins
I like many other women have been obsessed with romantic love. The idea of it. The possession of it. The identity I cling to from it.
It is altogether a whirlwind of magic and or devastation.
When any person places the weight of their entire identity on a house of cards it will smash into a thousand pieces.
I’ve come to learn:
"Friendship makes a LIFE even more deeply than (Romantic) love." -Elie Weisel
I am all for love! I love- love! However I am not EVER for placing your hands around someone in an attempt to control them for the sake of your own happiness.
I am also not a fan of ultimatum “love”, the I have to have it “love” or the being entirely lost without him love.
I was once this girl. Fragile and needing to cling to a man. In affect suffocating him and unconsciously hating myself for it!
This way of being was never intended for us as woman.
I am coming to learn the value of investing in myself. People may say it is self indulgent or selfish. But I can say with the utmost confidence it is the best gift you can give the world!
Nurture your own light and love!!!
Being in a place of utter contentment with who you are is a very rare beauty indeed.
Unimaginable for most of us. But I have slowly put in the hours of truly, undeniably loving myself. A friendship is built on hours of time spent in mutual trust and admiration. Not on a high of a look or touch. And so it is with yourself.
Time must be invested in oneself so that you may and WILL have that rare beauty of loving yourself!
Post by Ashley Fielden <3
Hi all! I’m Cara Howard:
a new member of the #swlfamily and also a newly married lady! I blog over at The Marvelous Flight of Cara and have been for four years now (I just celebrated my blog’s 4th birthday!); my blog is not only my escape, but a place where ladies can come and relate to an honest and raw author: me!
It’s taken me quite some time to get to this place of not only being proud of who I am: my emotions, the depression I struggle with, my health battle against fibromyalgia, but really embracing and loving this person that I am becoming. Like a lot of girls, I’ve had to find my worth through pain (and healing) in breakups with guys, but my depression and health has brought an entire battle along with it where I have had to respect my body’s limitations and deem myself worthy for the love of my husband and friends. One lesson I am continually learning and am a huge advocate of is: if you’re not loving and respecting yourself first, nobody else will. So here’s to loving *you!*
Post by the lovely Cara, newest writer for the blog!
Throughout life each of us come in contact with thousands of people. Many of them come and go quickly, rarely affecting our lives in a dramatic way. However, sometimes people stay and take time to make an investment in your life. They pursue a friendship. These people that we take on life with are often so constant that we take them for granted. Or at least I often do. This message is for them, for all the ones who have been there for us through every season of life and of the heart.
Recently I have been going through changes in my life, whether it is transitioning into a new job or college classes, making daily routines work, or letting go of dead weight. During this change it is difficult to make the time for close friends or have any social life at all for that matter. However, it is very important that during the week we make time for those who make time for us. In my eyes, that’s the only way we can continue to build better bridges.
I realized this last week. I started thinking that in order to keep good solid friends in my life, I had to meet them half way. I had to let them know they were important to me. This is something many of us struggle with; we ask, “Why hasn’t anyone asked to hang out? Why hasn’t anyone called or texted me back?” . I can’t help but to think.. ”Do these people know how I feel? Do they know I want them around more; that I want to make a better effort in strengthening your friendship.” Most likely not. So I will choose to reach out more.
A friend who I have looked up to for a long time had not been constant in my life. Yes, we had surface talks and said a couple “what’s up man, I miss seeing you,” over the past months but no real conversation. No real investment. So we finally found a time to sit down for breakfast and just talk about what we have been up to. Talks of relationships, life changes and even river tubing while we drank our morning coffee. Something was different than any talk we had in the past year. I realized how refreshing it was to talk about my ups and downs with someone who really cared and gave me feedback. That conversation encouraged me to start the day right, my friends light inspired me to shine my own.
That’s what a friendship is all about, encouraging and celebrating with each other. Picking one another up when we fall and most importantly, realizing the value of it all. Loving Loud. Those who are constant in your life, those who invest in you, and you in them, will ultimately take part in forming you to the person you become. Realize the people who go above and beyond to be there, I encourage you to tell them thank you. They may not know what they mean to you and to many others. “Iron sharpens iron”.
I text her: Today I am sad. I need encouragement. Within ten minutes I had a text telling me that there would be good days, and bad days and that I was loved and valued and that the future was bright.
I text her: He is breaking up with me. Within minutes she was over, with clothes, a toothbrush and arms to cry in.
I text her: I have a boyfriend! Within moments I got a calling screaming with excitement.
I text her: I got a promotion: Within minutes we were arranging celebrations.
I text her: He just died. Within an hour we were sitting have coffee crying together.
That all happened in the last 9 months. The good, the bad, the ugly…(and that’s not all)…through it all my friends were there to support me, to love me, to be there for me…Recently I said to a friend that I found it difficult to accept others help or sympathy, almost like it was too much. I didn’t want to believe that I was good enough to have that much love in my life.
But you know what? It’s not too much. I bet you would do anything for your friends. You would stay up with them in the middle of the night when they needed a hug and a shoulder to cry on. You would buy them cake, just because. You would celebrate the new boyfriend, job or even the simple fact you had a really good day.
You deserve the support and love of your friends because you would do the same for them. They are so.worth.loving and…You are so.worth.loving.
POST BY MICHELLE