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So Worth Loving

I Hated Myself and My Anxiety

I have been diagnosed with bi-polar type 2 disorder and anxiety disorder. It’s sometimes hard to cope with, and I have low self-worth at times.

Let’s start with what I believe when all of this began. In 2009, I had a horrible break-up with an ex-boyfriend, whom I thought I was going to marry and be happy with. That didn’t happen. I didn’t know what to do. We had dated for 5 years and that’s all I knew for the longest time. I didn’t know how to cope. Let’s just say my anxiety was at an all time high, and I hated myself for it.

I was able to turn my anxiety/depression into something of being a comedian and making people happy and laugh at my jokes. I hid behind those things. I didn’t want people to think I was going through a hard time.


That break-up was the best thing that happened to me, though. I re-discovered myself. I did things for ME. If I couldn’t make myself happy again, I couldn’t make my next relationship work. I worked on bettering myself, as a person mentally and physically. I became content with myself and I needed to move on.

A few months later I started talking to an old friend. He helped me cope with my feelings and low self-esteem, and made me feel really good about myself. Let’s say he “saved me from myself”. We got to talking a lot more and more to the point where I decided I could move on and finally be happy. 

The point I’m trying to make is that even though you go through rough patches in your life, you can always overcome. You look at the past and you learn from it and you decide that’s not what was planned for you. Hearing about the So Worth Loving campaign is so perfect for me. I am so grateful for this. You guys make me smile even more and the stuff you guys post have helped me through a lot, whether it be the days where I feel down about myself, or empower myself. Thank you guys for helping another person to cope and be happy with themselves.

Oh yeah, what happened to that old friend? Well, we are married and have a beautiful baby girl together. So, this would be a perfect example of overcoming odds. I am finally happy, and when I have one of those “days” I look at my baby girl and husband and smile because this was meant for me. This was MY plan all along.

Love, Erin Laub

My Story Is Incomplete

Happy moments. My favorite happy moments seem a lifetime away. I sit here and look at pictures on my wall from the past four years. I see myself laughing and happy. Happy for real.

I see prom. I see performing. I see beauty. I see relationships. I see love and laughter: my most treasured memories, and then I think about now.

Now I see loneliness. I see sadness. I see idleness. I see heartbreak, judgement and bitterness. In the midst of what is supposed to be the happiest time of my life, the best four years, I am trapped behind a curtain of insecurity and self hate.

Yes. I am sad. I’m afraid, actually. Paranoid, really, and almost always. I don’t want you to think I’m saying this to make you feel bad for me. I’m not depressed. Technically. I do lead a good life. I won’t deny that. But something inside me is misplaced.

I have to wonder how these things happened. My heart has been infiltrated with the toxic ideals of everyone around me. Somehow, tragically, I have allowed the perspective of my fellow humans to shape my view of myself. This is a fatal mistake.

I don’t have the privilege to entirely cast the blame off myself in this situation. I said I have allowed outside opinions to penetrate my soul and corrupt my self worth: My self worth.

I feel as though I’m sinking. My anchor is partly everyone else, but also partly me.

Partly me. I have some hand in the force that is dragging me down into a place in which I lose track of the sunlight, the happy things and the glittery presence of all that is beautiful.

So now I have this realization. This fact, now come to the surface in this dark place in which I now reside, could be considered an easy fix. Love yourself? Okay.

No. It’s a challenge. It’s a process. It’s hard and messy and full of failure, tears and beauty. Recovery is not something which we obtain by flipping a switch and waking up on the right side of the bed.

Learning this, learning how to correct my mistake, this is something that is a work-in-progress. Right now, I’m still heading downward. I have the desire to pull myself up and out of the blackness of insecurity, but I have discovered that it is not as easy as possessing a desire.

It’s a lifestyle change; one that I ache to achieve and improve upon so i can look back one day and say,

"Hey, I did that. I used to be that, and now I’m this."

So I hope you’ll watch me and love me and probably laugh at me during this because feeling alone is a side effect of hating who you are. I’m ready to be done with that disease and the daily and numerous repercussions it entails. 
I hope to one day relieve myself of it. I hope you’ll find my story encouraging and important. 

So my story right now is open-ended. It’s incomplete, unfinished and kind of sad. I’m ready to burst back into my old world of sunshine, music, good coffee, big hugs and things that used to warm my soul. I’m not exactly positive on where to start or how to go about things, but I know the solution, the end product, and the method is self love.

I am so worth loving, and it’s time to make myself believe that again.

Written and loved on by Jordan Bogigian

"As a girl with once low self-esteem, I grew up believing I was doomed as the ugly girl. The freak with weird acne. The girl with not many friends. In my eyes, I had no worth. I had family that loved me, but I needed more. It was only a few years later when I realized that I am worth rubies. Over the years, God has placed positive, loving people in my life, and thanks to these people, I finally know that I am worth loving."

Love, Sydney

"As a girl with once low self-esteem, I grew up believing I was doomed as the ugly girl. The freak with weird acne. The girl with not many friends. In my eyes, I had no worth. I had family that loved me, but I needed more. It was only a few years later when I realized that I am worth rubies. Over the years, God has placed positive, loving people in my life, and thanks to these people, I finally know that I am worth loving."

Love, Sydney

"I have always struggled with my self worth, not necessarily my image, but what I was worth. I constantly wondered what others thought about me. I didn’t love myself, so I wondered how anyone else could love me. This company really helped me realize that I have to love myself in order to love others. I am so wonderfully made. Spread love to everyone."

Love, 
Taylor

"I have always struggled with my self worth, not necessarily my image, but what I was worth. I constantly wondered what others thought about me. I didn’t love myself, so I wondered how anyone else could love me. This company really helped me realize that I have to love myself in order to love others. I am so wonderfully made. Spread love to everyone."

Love, 

Taylor

Learning To Feel Worthy

You know, a few days ago at a wedding, a friend of mine told me I looked hot. He’s a great friend and although I know that he does not easily say things like this, I honestly can’t say that I believed him. While I said thank you; in my mind I only heard “He’s just saying that to make you feel better. Don’t believe it.

It’s shameful to me. It’s shameful to me that there are days I hear “You’re beautiful” or “You look stunning” or “You’re so smart, you have the world in front of you,” all I hear back are whispers of “you’re not good enough”.

I wish to myself that I wouldn’t feel this way; I pray that I could honestly always believe that I was enough, that I was beautiful enough, smart enough, just enough.

However, even with everything in the world going for me…I doubt.

I doubt a lot.

I write this because I, like many of you, am on a journey. I cannot imagine that a person, like me, who was so loved all her life would struggle so much. I write this because I know that I am one day closer to the end of this journey. I write this because I know somewhere out there, someone else is crying like me.

This post is simple. You and I are worthy of feeling worthy, and until I believe that, every day (not just most days) I will write to you. I will reach out to you, oh precious one who doesn’t love the curve of her stomach, or the freckles on her cheek. To the one who does not believe they are good enough to get whatever job they want, or does not feel that they can take even one step today…I write this to you.

I write for you, for me…for all of us who are on a journey.

It’s okay to be not okay.

It’s perfectly okay to understand that this is just a moment…the tears, the pain, the emotion.

It’s okay to have days like this. It’s okay to cry.

It’s even better to take a breath, understand why you are feeling the way you are, and then move forward. It’s even better, if you’re like me, to put on music that points me to a power higher than myself and rest in that. It’s even better to put on your gear and run, run, run…it’s even better to have a bit of chocolate and then find a friend and tell them that “Today, I’m struggling”.

We’re all going to have days like this…but let them only be moments, then turn around, look in the mirror and know that these moments do not control us, we control them.

We are so worthy of knowing our worth. We are so worth loving.

Written and loved on by Michelle Plett

P.S. If you have a story to tell, don’t hesitate to submit your word-love to submissions@soworthloving.com. You honestly have no clue how many hearts are just like yours, and with that, they need just the same amount of reminders that they are not alone in their struggles. 

I’m Really Good at Beating Myself Up

I graduated from college one year ago. In college I had a strong sense of identity. I had a large and life-giving community of friends, I was well liked and recognized, and I walked around feeling confident and happy.

One year later, I have lost that sense of identity.

It started with graduation. I have always been a competitive person, and it gets me in trouble. When everyone was going off and finding their new awesome adventures or excelling in their new jobs, I panicked. I wanted my Post Grad Life to measure up. I wanted to be doing things others admired. So I got an amazing internship, traveled to four countries, and moved back to my college town to begin a job that fits me perfectly.

On the outside, I had nothing to complain about. Inwardly, I still found myself comparing myself to others, especially the people closest to me. I struggled to find myself and find recognition outside of the community and context of college. And the more I compared myself, the more insecure I became.

About everything.

In wanting to be a leader, I struggled to put others first. In wanting to be accomplished, I struggled to celebrate the accomplishments of others. In trying to become the best version of myself, I began picking apart every single thing I did or said, terrified someone would perceive me in a way I didn’t want them to. In wanting to be so loved, my ability to love others well was crushed.


And then the guilt and self-loathing came in. I hated how obsessed I was with how much others liked me. I hated how reluctant I was to lift others up because inside I was jealous and fearful I could never measure up. I hated how much the feeling of having to be the best at everything was consuming me. I began to, without even being conscious of it, really dislike myself. All I could see was an insecure woman scrambling to assert herself, to be on top.


My story is ongoing. There is no tidy resolution yet, no big eureka moment where I decided to love myself. What I have done, though, is given myself permission to love myself.

I’m really good at beating myself up. When I act or think in a way I shouldn’t, my first response is to inwardly chastise myself and tell myself how awful I’m being. Maybe I’m being awful, but that does not mean I am an awful person. THAT is what I have to remind myself of. I have to remind myself that I am my own worst critic, that the way others perceive me is ultimately out of my hands. All that is up to me is how I perceive myself and choose to act on that perception.

Last night I went for a drive, and I thought to myself, “What four characteristics would I want to describe myself as?” I chose joyful, beautiful, wise, courageous. And I said them over and over again as I drove, talking to myself out loud (I’m really good at this) about why I am all of those things. And I will keep saying them over and over again until I believe them more than I believe the other adjectives I so often assign myself: petty, jealous, insecure, small.


Brene Brown says, “I believe owning our story and loving others through the process is the bravest thing we’ll do." This is my battle. I am joyful, beautiful, wise and courageous.

I am learning to love myself again so I can love others well.

Written and loved on by Julia Feeser