So Worth Loving

I don’t know what happened, but something just felt off.  As I was driving I was warring with my mind and trying not to freak out. There was what seemed like a crack in my chest and my heart beat faster out of fear; it was getting harder to breathe.  By the time I got to where I was going I felt miserable and I was scared. What was wrong with me?  What was happening?  Should I stay in the car, should I go home, should I get out? I got out of the car, walked a little ways and was completely ready to pass out. I was hot, I was cold, I was sweaty.  Dizziness struck and everything going on inside of me amplified.  I turned around and went straight back to the car.  I sat there for a while trying to get ahold of what was happening to me, hoping it would stop and I would be okay.  Things got worse. My arm started tingling and I didn’t know what to do.  I decided to start driving back towards home.  I had to get out of there- I wasn’t going to let something crazy happen to me in a parking lot with a bunch of strangers around me!  As I was driving the tingling got worse and spread to my other arm and both legs. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was so scared that something worse was going to happen to me and I had to pull off to the side of the road, it was much safer than driving in such a condition.  
Panic attacks.  They’re not fun to talk about and they are certainly not fun to think about or experience.  I told Eryn over a month ago that I could do a post on panic attacks and I’ve been sitting blank with this post ever since.  There were multiple times when I wanted to talk to her and tell her I just could not do the post, but for some reason I never did.  I have experienced panic attacks before…  I think my own feelings towards those experiences, and the fact that panic attacks are not readily discussed in conversation with those around me, are what left me at such a loss of how to go about this post.  
The first time I had a panic attack I had no idea what was going on with me. Even after seeing a doctor to rule anything serious out, I was still left clueless with no answers.  Most people are not taught growing up what their first panic attack will be like or that they will even have to possibly go through one someday.  They’re just a part of life that can take us by surprise, but they’re not a surprise that has to scar our lives forever!  What really helped me move forward from panic attacks was the simple knowledge of knowing what they are and being able to inform myself whenever symptoms started arising.  Sometimes accepting things and acknowledging them for what they are can be really difficult.  After I learned what it was that I was experiencing, I was not very amused with the idea of accepting it.  Besides not being happy with myself, I was worried about what other people might think of me for having panic attacks. Acceptance should not be wavered for fear. There is always healing and a greater sense of self-love in acceptance which has the power to outweigh any fear. 
Panic attacks can form in so many different ways; they and their treatments are often diverse from person to person.  If you are struggling with panic attacks please know that you are not alone in this.  Reach out- there are others out there going through similar things.  Your panic attacks are not meant to keep you from living your life.  You are going to shine ten thousand times brighter than any amount of weight they bring on you and your life!!  Having one or multiple panic attacks does not make you any less of a worthwhile person; they are not a judgment of your character.  
If you’re feeling open, feel free to share with us your experiences with panic attacks and any coping mechanisms you have found to be helpful. 
Let’s show this SWL Family that we truly are not alone in our struggles!
*I’m adding a link to an article that Eryn found on ways to cope with panic attacks that would be worth a read when you have time!  You can view it here
*Also, Xanna and Ashley have both recently done posts on anxiety.  Panic attacks often coincide with anxiety, so if you’ve missed their posts you may want to visit them here and here! POST BY ROSIE HANKEif you suffer from panic attacks this is not a solution but something has helped me. Seek a doctor if you are unsure of your attacks.   High-res

I don’t know what happened, but something just felt off.  

As I was driving I was warring with my mind and trying not to freak out. There was what seemed like a crack in my chest and my heart beat faster out of fear; it was getting harder to breathe.  By the time I got to where I was going I felt miserable and I was scared. What was wrong with me?  What was happening?  Should I stay in the car, should I go home, should I get out? I got out of the car, walked a little ways and was completely ready to pass out. I was hot, I was cold, I was sweaty.  Dizziness struck and everything going on inside of me amplified.  I turned around and went straight back to the car.  I sat there for a while trying to get ahold of what was happening to me, hoping it would stop and I would be okay.  Things got worse. My arm started tingling and I didn’t know what to do.  I decided to start driving back towards home.  I had to get out of there- I wasn’t going to let something crazy happen to me in a parking lot with a bunch of strangers around me!  As I was driving the tingling got worse and spread to my other arm and both legs. 

I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was so scared that something worse was going to happen to me and I had to pull off to the side of the road, it was much safer than driving in such a condition.  

Panic attacks.  They’re not fun to talk about and they are certainly not fun to think about or experience.  I told Eryn over a month ago that I could do a post on panic attacks and I’ve been sitting blank with this post ever since.  There were multiple times when I wanted to talk to her and tell her I just could not do the post, but for some reason I never did.  I have experienced panic attacks before…  I think my own feelings towards those experiences, and the fact that panic attacks are not readily discussed in conversation with those around me, are what left me at such a loss of how to go about this post.  

The first time I had a panic attack I had no idea what was going on with me. Even after seeing a doctor to rule anything serious out, I was still left clueless with no answers.  Most people are not taught growing up what their first panic attack will be like or that they will even have to possibly go through one someday.  They’re just a part of life that can take us by surprise, but they’re not a surprise that has to scar our lives forever!  What really helped me move forward from panic attacks was the simple knowledge of knowing what they are and being able to inform myself whenever symptoms started arising.  Sometimes accepting things and acknowledging them for what they are can be really difficult.  After I learned what it was that I was experiencing, I was not very amused with the idea of accepting it.  Besides not being happy with myself, I was worried about what other people might think of me for having panic attacks. Acceptance should not be wavered for fearThere is always healing and a greater sense of self-love in acceptance which has the power to outweigh any fear. 

Panic attacks can form in so many different ways; they and their treatments are often diverse from person to person.  If you are struggling with panic attacks please know that you are not alone in this.  Reach out- there are others out there going through similar things.  Your panic attacks are not meant to keep you from living your life.  You are going to shine ten thousand times brighter than any amount of weight they bring on you and your life!!  Having one or multiple panic attacks does not make you any less of a worthwhile person; they are not a judgment of your character.  

If you’re feeling open, feel free to share with us your experiences with panic attacks and any coping mechanisms you have found to be helpful. 

Let’s show this SWL Family that we truly are not alone in our struggles!

*I’m adding a link to an article that Eryn found on ways to cope with panic attacks that would be worth a read when you have time!  You can view it here

*Also, Xanna and Ashley have both recently done posts on anxiety.  Panic attacks often coincide with anxiety, so if you’ve missed their posts you may want to visit them here and here


POST BY ROSIE HANKE

if you suffer from panic attacks this is not a solution but something has helped me. Seek a doctor if you are unsure of your attacks. 

 

"Every waking minute is a chance to turn it all around."

I couldn’t sleep the other night. Not necessarily in a bad way, I just could not shut my brain off. I thought about who I am, and the type of person that I’d like to be. I thought of where I’ve come from, and where I hope to go.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, of this I am certain. But I’ve also made a lot of really great decisions. My favorite almost mistake that I’ve made was moving to Los Angeles. My whole life, I had always wanted to live in LA. And when my brother made the move 2 years before I did, there was no stopping me. I wanted to do it, too. I wanted to be brave and I wanted to show people that I’m not afraid. 

Turns out I was afraid, and I sometimes still am. LA is a really big city. Some of the people I’ve met here are nothing like I’ve ever met before. It was a pretty huge culture shock, for real. My first year in LA I was pretty miserable. I struggled with paralyzing depression. Most days, I didn’t want to leave the house, let alone speak to another human being. I felt completely and utterly alone. The friends that I thought I had turned out not to be anything of the sort, my long term boyfriend and I broke up only a month after arriving in LA. I didn’t have a job, I didn’t know anyone, the streets all looked the same, and the most conversation that I had was with the cashier at 711 when I was buying frozen pizzas. Basically, LA sucked, and I hated almost everything about it.

And then, something happened. Something aligned for me and it was like LA was a whole new place and it was exciting. I realized that my battle was purely internal. Everything that I was afraid of was internal. What other people think of me is none of my business, and why should I determine my self worth based on what others thought of me? I have a lot to offer, I have a lot to say, and I’m passionate. 

Have you ever been around a child in the morning? Have you ever seen the excitement on their faces when they wake up and it’s a new day? I don’t know exactly what it is that these kids are always so excited about in the morning, but there is something to be said of that type of excitement. My theory is simple, it’s a new day. And that in itself is exciting.

Everyday is a new day, with new challenges and new opportunities. Every single day is a chance to do something new, to try something different, to meet a new person, to inspire someone around you. I don’t know about you, but the possibilities for a new day excite the heck out of me. And I am just grateful for the chance to be a part of the ride.