When the rain starts to fall.
(Source: verenaandrea, via savedbymercyandgrace)
Posts tagged with 'pain'.
How do you view you?
“Probably one of the most painful things about being abused is the shame I felt. Shame because I guess I should have been able to somehow prevent it, stop it or do something.”
NEW BLOG POST! Finding Worth In Myself
Don’t be against you.
It was all my fault.
I had come to the conclusion that if I had done ”X” and said “Y” he would have never broken up with me. Little did I think about the fact that he told me I was still amazing and he cared a lot about me meant anything. Nope, the only thing I could think of was that we weren’t “us” anymore.
I couldn’t stop thinking about how every word, every text, every kiss, every heartfelt embrace was a lie and it was my fault. I was not good enough. No matter what others said, no matter how many times I played it over and over again in my head I couldn’t get out the fact that it took 28 years of my life for someone to step up and be with me, but now, now he didn’t want me anymore.
It’s devastating to have someone break up with you. I will never ever play that moment down. And sadly, even when it really isn’t you, it’s the other person; there are forces around you, within you that will play with your heart and mind and convince you that you are not enough, even when it was the best decision; at least at the time.
It took a lot of months and I still struggle with it, that feeling of unworthiness. I joked around with my best friend a few weeks ago about a guy that I thought was really attractive and whom I thought would be interesting to get to know better. After being all girly for a couple emails I got really honest and told her that actually, I hope he turns out to be a jerk, because if he’s a jerk I don’t have to put myself out there again and trust someone with my heart.
All relationships are different and they all end for different reasons. However, the ones that last, the really good ones, they all last for the same reason. They last because both people not only realize that the other person is so worth loving, that no matter what, you choose to be with that person, through good or bad, personality differences or bad habits, but also because you realize that you are SO WORTH LOVING.
It’s going to take time.
For some it may mean not watching romantic comedies, or not spending hours pinning love quotes on Pinterest. It might mean blocking yourself from ANYTHING that has to do with the person who broke your heart. For others it might mean a night or many nights out with the guys doing things that this girl can’t imagine because, well I’m a girl and my way of dealing is different. It might be that you go to the gym, work out more, take better care of yourself and put some work into you.
All I will say is that at some point you’re going to need to forget the person who once valued you. And I promise you, they valued you. The words were not a lie. The kisses and warm embraces were because they desired you. All the plans were meant for you. Something just happened. They might not be ready, you might not be the girl or guy who will be the best in their lives…I don’t know. Just remember that it will get better. It will stop hurting but you need to choose, just like you chose to love them you now need to choose to love yourself and know the value that is inherent in you, as a human, a valued life.
And then, one day…you’ll meet the person who not only understands your value but knows that through the trials of life, the changes in season, the celebrations, the tears, fears and even the piles of laundry you will have to do, that you are worth being cherished…and they will be so grateful because you know you are so worth loving.
And frankly, man or woman…the most attractive quality in a person is someone who understands who they are.
-Michelle
I watched a really powerful film recently on grief, loss and searching for closure. It’s called Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. Its long and intense, but incredible. Oh, and I haven’t cried in a film like that… Ever. Don’t worry, there’s no spoilers in the post!
Towards the end, one of main characters shares that ‘everyone has lost someone or something’. The moment in the film was fleeting, but that line has stayed with me.
We have all experienced loss. Life is unfair. Life is so very unfair. I’ve experienced injustice and loss and so have my dearest friends. The death of a dream, a friend, a parent, an opportunity. The pain of rejection, abuse and oppression.
But… and it’s a big but! We are over-comers. There’s a high chance you don’t think you are, but whether you admit it or not, you are.
I’ve made some big and hard decisions in my life, as much as the next person. But I can’t tell you how many people tell me ‘you were so brave, I could never do that’. It makes me sad, and everytime I think ‘yes you could! Believe in yourself!’
Maybe you couldn’t have done what I did, but that wasn’t for you to do. That was my life and it was the right decision at the time, for me. You just need to do what’s right for you. You have it inside of you to overcome the challenge before you. I didn’t think I could either, but I did and I am so proud.
I don’t know who you are or what you’re facing, but we’re all facing something. You need to remember that you are an over-comer, and you are brave! You can do whatever it is you need to do; finish your exams or an assignment, take a risk in business, break away from the relationship that’s pulling you down. Or maybe it’s just getting out of bed. You can do it.
It’s the most satisfying thing in the world looking back and going ‘that was so hard, but I survived it and I’m better from it.’ Today, say no to the thoughts bringing you down and remind yourself ‘I am an overcomer’. Without knowing you personally, I know one thing for sure: you are so much stronger that you think. Give yourself a chance to prove it.
Being brave.. sometimes to me it seems like being brave can be one of the hardest things to be. I look around at others and see amazing things they are doing which takes bravery and question to myself if I could ever be brave enough to try certain things in my own life. I’ve come to realize though that being brave is not nearly as hard as it seems. You know, often times people are in situations that require bravery and what they can’t see is how brave they already are!
*There was the cutest, smiliest, little old man who took himself to a ball game even though he was all alone and had no one to help him make it through the crowds, find his seat, or enjoy the game with. The little old man found a few friends along the way (myself and the people with me) who thought they were looking out for him when in fact he looked out for them and lead the way fast and strong to the parking lot after the game and made sure his friends didn’t get trampled or lost! When you are THAT smiley and doing something you enjoy (when no one else expected you to do it) you can’t help but appear brave and radiant!
*A friend of mine used to struggle a lot with body image issues and an unrealistic perfectionist mindset. Her struggles were kept so quiet and hidden away that it was hard to even assume something was wrong. When she went away to college, she decided to stop hiding and show her true self to her new friends. She told each of them everything.. and do you know what happened? They looked at her as a friend. A friend- not the screwed up version of herself that she constantly saw. What are you silently struggling with today? Be brave. Tell someone. You can do it, you are already so brave!
*A different friend of mine willingly accepted help from others when she was at her worst and would have otherwise harmed herself. Accepting help is not at all a sign of weakness.. Accepting help is brave. So, so brave!
*One other friend of mine hugged her dad. Sounds simple to most, so why am I referring to it as brave? My friend and her dad had not been communicating much at all for a very long time. Somehow my friend worked up the courage to go up to her dad and hug him after not being embraced by him in so long! Slowly but surely after that they were able to start talking more and regain a sense of love that a father and daughter share. Who do you need to reach out to today? What important person are you longing to have back in your life? Go ahead, reach out first and be brave.
Once you realize how brave you truly are, you can start looking at the bravery around you in your friends’ lives and begin to admire them for the strong and beautiful person they are instead of wishing you could be as brave as them. What have you already done that shows how brave you are? Think about it. And, what are you going to do now that you know you are brave!?
POST BY ROSIE HANKE
You deserve to be loved. Do you believe that? I know it’s hard to believe for some of you but it’s true, and it is worth believing. It can be so easy to fall into the trap of self hatred and the lies that say you’re not good enough. When you think in such a self-demeaning way, you are exposing yourself to unnecessary pain that does not need to be in your life. Why live like that? You are worth so much more! I would encourage you today to try and change your way of thinking. Stop hating on yourself. Stop comparing. Stop making excuses for why you deserve less. You are so worth loving; it’s time you start thinking and believing that you are.
Follow her on twitter: @RosieHanke
