You know, a few days ago at a wedding, a friend of mine told me I looked hot. He’s a great friend and although I know that he does not easily say things like this, I honestly can’t say that I believed him. While I said thank you; in my mind I only heard “He’s just saying that to make you feel better. Don’t believe it.”
It’s shameful to me. It’s shameful to me that there are days I hear “You’re beautiful” or “You look stunning” or “You’re so smart, you have the world in front of you,” all I hear back are whispers of “you’re not good enough”.
I wish to myself that I wouldn’t feel this way; I pray that I could honestly always believe that I was enough, that I was beautiful enough, smart enough, just enough.
However, even with everything in the world going for me…I doubt.
I doubt a lot.
I write this because I, like many of you, am on a journey. I cannot imagine that a person, like me, who was so loved all her life would struggle so much. I write this because I know that I am one day closer to the end of this journey. I write this because I know somewhere out there, someone else is crying like me.
This post is simple. You and I are worthy of feeling worthy, and until I believe that, every day (not just most days) I will write to you. I will reach out to you, oh precious one who doesn’t love the curve of her stomach, or the freckles on her cheek. To the one who does not believe they are good enough to get whatever job they want, or does not feel that they can take even one step today…I write this to you.
I write for you, for me…for all of us who are on a journey.
It’s okay to be not okay.
It’s perfectly okay to understand that this is just a moment…the tears, the pain, the emotion.
It’s okay to have days like this. It’s okay to cry.
It’s even better to take a breath, understand why you are feeling the way you are, and then move forward. It’s even better, if you’re like me, to put on music that points me to a power higher than myself and rest in that. It’s even better to put on your gear and run, run, run…it’s even better to have a bit of chocolate and then find a friend and tell them that “Today, I’m struggling”.
We’re all going to have days like this…but let them only be moments, then turn around, look in the mirror and know that these moments do not control us, we control them.
We are so worthy of knowing our worth. We are so worth loving.
Written and loved on by Michelle Plett
P.S. If you have a story to tell, don’t hesitate to submit your word-love to firstname.lastname@example.org. You honestly have no clue how many hearts are just like yours, and with that, they need just the same amount of reminders that they are not alone in their struggles.
I graduated from college one year ago. In college I had a strong sense of identity. I had a large and life-giving community of friends, I was well liked and recognized, and I walked around feeling confident and happy.
One year later, I have lost that sense of identity.
It started with graduation. I have always been a competitive person, and it gets me in trouble. When everyone was going off and finding their new awesome adventures or excelling in their new jobs, I panicked. I wanted my Post Grad Life to measure up. I wanted to be doing things others admired. So I got an amazing internship, traveled to four countries, and moved back to my college town to begin a job that fits me perfectly.
On the outside, I had nothing to complain about. Inwardly, I still found myself comparing myself to others, especially the people closest to me. I struggled to find myself and find recognition outside of the community and context of college. And the more I compared myself, the more insecure I became.
In wanting to be a leader, I struggled to put others first. In wanting to be accomplished, I struggled to celebrate the accomplishments of others. In trying to become the best version of myself, I began picking apart every single thing I did or said, terrified someone would perceive me in a way I didn’t want them to. In wanting to be so loved, my ability to love others well was crushed.
And then the guilt and self-loathing came in. I hated how obsessed I was with how much others liked me. I hated how reluctant I was to lift others up because inside I was jealous and fearful I could never measure up. I hated how much the feeling of having to be the best at everything was consuming me. I began to, without even being conscious of it, really dislike myself. All I could see was an insecure woman scrambling to assert herself, to be on top.
My story is ongoing. There is no tidy resolution yet, no big eureka moment where I decided to love myself. What I have done, though, is given myself permission to love myself.
I’m really good at beating myself up. When I act or think in a way I shouldn’t, my first response is to inwardly chastise myself and tell myself how awful I’m being. Maybe I’m being awful, but that does not mean I am an awful person. THAT is what I have to remind myself of. I have to remind myself that I am my own worst critic, that the way others perceive me is ultimately out of my hands. All that is up to me is how I perceive myself and choose to act on that perception.
Last night I went for a drive, and I thought to myself, “What four characteristics would I want to describe myself as?” I chose joyful, beautiful, wise, courageous. And I said them over and over again as I drove, talking to myself out loud (I’m really good at this) about why I am all of those things. And I will keep saying them over and over again until I believe them more than I believe the other adjectives I so often assign myself: petty, jealous, insecure, small.
Brene Brown says, “I believe owning our story and loving others through the process is the bravest thing we’ll do." This is my battle. I am joyful, beautiful, wise and courageous.
I am learning to love myself again so I can love others well.
Written and loved on by Julia Feeser
T H R O W B A C K T H U R S D A Y
For the sake of #TBT, here is a lovely video of our very own, Eryn.
Her music career is essentially what started So Worth Loving in the first place, so why not commemorate the journey?
Listen and soak it in, because no matter if it is a #tbt or any other time, you are always beautiful, and you are always everything you need to be.