Jealousy. We have all struggled with it to some degree.
There are constantly things in our lives that we are lacking in or haven’t got, that’s life. When we see someone else with what we want, jealous feelings naturally arise.
In some situations jealousy is fleeting and harmless. But there is another kind - the overpowering jealousy that controls and damages relationships.
In typical writers fashion, before setting out to write about this topic I Googled the definition:
jeal·ous·y (noun): resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
The word that jumped out from the page at me was this: rival.
I don’t know about you but the last person I was jealous of was not a rival, nor has it even really been. It was a friend, one that I love dearly and am close to. Life has dealt us both a different set of cards, she has different talents and skills and she is a different person. Not better or worse, just different. And for one of those reasons, I was jealous.
Jealousy is a divider. It can divide best friends and turn them into enemies. It’s dangerous for women (and men? I don’t know). In the community of So Worth Loving we want to combat the epidemic of jealousy because the cause is rooted in our core message: that we all have value and we are all worth loving.
Let me explain the connection. When I was a teenager jealousy ruled my life! I was never content with my personality, looks or abilities and I was constantly envious of everyone else. There were a few particular girls that in my eyes, ‘had it all’. They were pretty, fun and successful. I would never be as great as them.
Fast forward a few years and one day I see one of these girls in passing. We had grown apart and though I can’t remember exactly why, I wouldn’t be surprised if my jealousy was partly to blame. It’s shameful but it isn’t unheard of; I think this happens often in female friendships.
Seeing her was lovely, we chatted and caught each other up on our lives. She was the same beautiful person, but something in our interaction was different.
I walked away confused about why my time with her was so relaxed and pleasant compared to when I was younger. Then it came to me: the envy was gone. I had always thought she was way ‘cooler’ than me and I didn’t measure up. But in the years passed, I had gained some self-esteem and security in who I was. I still thought she was great but that’s as far as it went. I didn’t want to be her, I wanted to be me.
What happened? Simply put, I had grown to like myself. I had started to see myself the way my friends and family saw me. I decided to see the good things in myself and in my life, and truly appreciate them. It changed everything!
We will never truly kick jealousy. It will always threaten your friendships, but it is up to you to determine that the threats are empty. The green eyed monster doesn’t have to win. To tame it, all you need to do is value yourself and live the best life you can.
Look at what you DO have and appreciate those. Pick your favourite part of your body, your personality, your talents, your job, your family, your house, your clothes. Do it now! Focus on the light that has been there all along, overshadowed by your envy of others.
Give yourself a chance to shine.
Let’s be a community that enjoys each other’s successes! Your day will come to get that promotion, job, relationship, home, car or big trip around the world. For the things you cannot change, accept them and guard your friendships because they are precious.
You are valuable and have something to give too, so don’t let jealousy win.
Post by Micaela Hollins