Who We are:

NEW POST! Click Here ”You are always going to have the opportunity to compare yourself to someone else but the exercise is futile. They have their own story, their own struggles and their own path to walk. Do not rely on someone else for your happiness. Find it in you. Celebrate yourself. Celebrate every achievement, accomplishment, goal that is reached. LOVE not where you are going but where you are and where you have come from.”

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“Probably one of the most painful things about being abused is the shame I felt. Shame because I guess I should have been able to somehow prevent it, stop it or do something.”

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For years, I lived with this mental image of the woman I wanted to become.

She was smart, charming and successful, and weighed a good twenty-five pounds less than the number flashing red at me whenever I stepped on the scale. To me, she was perfection. I felt that if I could just look like her and act like her and live like her, I’d be happy.

It never worked. Despite all my striving, I could never make myself become that woman. I had created this whole other persona in my mind and tried to force myself to live her life and not my own. Instead of being me, I wanted to be her.

And then one morning, as I stood in front of the mirror, tears welled up in my eyes and cheeks flushed in frustration, it hit me. Clear as day, I saw how ridiculously futile my quest for perfection had become. I was never going to succeed in being the woman I had dreamed up ⎯ because she didn’t exist. 

And furthermore, through all my efforts to be someone other than who I really was, I was missing out. I was missing out on being me, perfectly imperfect me. The me who was smart but had a tendency to act on impulse, thus making some pretty stupid decisions (that I always learned from, I might add). The me who wasn’t exactly charming but at least was relatable. The me who appeared to be a failure according to the world’s standards of success, but who had tried to live a life of loving and serving others. The me whose pants were sometimes too tight, who had a weakness for anything sweet, and who had attached the number on the scale to her self-worth for far too long.

That morning in front of the mirror was when I decided that I was going to be me. 

And that decision changed my life. Never before had I felt so liberated and so free. The crazy part was that as I learned to identify and accept every part of me, the good and the bad, the weak and the strong, I started to feel more and more comfortable in the skin I was in ⎯ because it was mine, the skin I had always been meant to have. I took ownership over who I was, the choices I made, and how I lived my life, and I became empowered to make changes if I wasn’t happy with any of that.

It’s now been a little over a year since I stood in front of that mirror. I’d be lying to you if I said that every day was a good one. I still have moments when I step on the scale and immediately regret that extra cookie from the day before. I still compare my body, my bank account, and my relationships to those of the women on the television screen and magazine pages, and there are times when those old, negative thoughts still creep in. But I am learning. And I’d like to believe that the journey is much, much more important than the ending destination.

Let’s face it; we all have things about ourselves that we’d like to change, if we could. But what if today, you chose to focus instead on the things that make you uniquely you, the parts of you that are special and beautiful and downright extraordinary? What if today, you made the decision to accept who you are instead of trying to be somebody else? What if today, you threw those old ideas of success and perfection straight out the window and loved yourself for who you are instead.

Try it. Just for today, try it. See how good it feels, how good you feel. And then try it again the next day. And the next. Keep trying it. Don’t be afraid of the bad days or the weak moments. They will come, but you will make it through them, and it will get easier. I promise.

Reclaim the person you were always meant to be: perfectly imperfect you, full of strength and beauty and grace, filled with value and worth that cannot be diminished. 

It’s the best decision you will ever make.

***

Elena Pellizzaris // self-professed word nerd who is frequently smiling and usually caffeinated // creative mind, sensitive spirit, and old soul // loves sunshine, orphan care, frozen yogurt, tattoos, and all things Africa // utterly in love with Jesus and spend most of my days serving Him by loving orphans in Liberia // passionate about people knowing their value // believes in the power of the written word, that people matter, and that love wins. period. read her blog and follow her on Twitter.

Jealousy. We have all struggled with it to some degree.

There are constantly things in our lives that we are lacking in or haven’t got, that’s life. When we see someone else with what we want, jealous feelings naturally arise.

In some situations jealousy is fleeting and harmless. But there is another kind - the overpowering jealousy that controls and damages relationships.

It’s everywhere.

In typical writers fashion, before setting out to write about this topic I Googled the definition:

jeal·ous·y (noun): resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.

The word that jumped out from the page at me was this: rival. 

I don’t know about you but the last person I was jealous of was not a rival, nor has it even really been. It was a friend, one that I love dearly and am close to. Life has dealt us both a different set of cards, she has different talents and skills and she is a different person. Not better or worse, just different. And for one of those reasons, I was jealous.

Jealousy is a divider. It can divide best friends and turn them into enemies. It’s dangerous for women (and men? I don’t know). In the community of So Worth Loving we want to combat the epidemic of jealousy because the cause is rooted in our core message: that we all have value and we are all worth loving. 

Let me explain the connection. When I was a teenager jealousy ruled my life! I was never content with my personality, looks or abilities and I was constantly envious of everyone else. There were a few particular girls that in my eyes, ‘had it all’. They were pretty, fun and successful. I would never be as great as them. 

Fast forward a few years and one day I see one of these girls in passing. We had grown apart and though I can’t remember exactly why, I wouldn’t be surprised if my jealousy was partly to blame. It’s shameful but it isn’t unheard of; I think this happens often in female friendships.

Seeing her was lovely, we chatted and caught each other up on our lives. She was the same beautiful person, but something in our interaction was different. 

I walked away confused about why my time with her was so relaxed and pleasant compared to when I was younger. Then it came to me: the envy was gone. I had always thought she was way ‘cooler’ than me and I didn’t measure up. But in the years passed, I had gained some self-esteem and security in who I was. I still thought she was great but that’s as far as it went. I didn’t want to be her, I wanted to be me. 

What happened? Simply put, I had grown to like myself. I had started to see myself the way my friends and family saw me. I decided to see the good things in myself and in my life, and truly appreciate them. It changed everything! 

We will never truly kick jealousy. It will always threaten your friendships, but it is up to you to determine that the threats are empty. The green eyed monster doesn’t have to win. To tame it, all you need to do is value yourself and live the best life you can. 

Look at what you DO have and appreciate those. Pick your favourite part of your body, your personality, your talents, your job, your family, your house, your clothes. Do it now! Focus on the light that has been there all along, overshadowed by your envy of others.

Give yourself a chance to shine.

Let’s be a community that enjoys each other’s successes! Your day will come to get that promotion, job, relationship, home, car or big trip around the world. For the things you cannot change, accept them and guard your friendships because they are precious.

You are valuable and have something to give too, so don’t let jealousy win. 

Post by Micaela Hollins

I am worth loving. 

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It took me 28 years to fall in love. It was quick, it was deep and I thought it was forever. When 4 months later my ex broke up with me it was less his decision to end it that hurt me and more my future and my heart disappearing and the fact that I had no clue he felt that way. 10 weeks later it still burns some days…

Break ups, whether for the best or a result of fear, immaturity or simply moving to fast, are never easy. You chose each other, believing that the other was so worth loving and yet it has ended. You need to pick yourself up and start looking forward…personally, I made three decisions…

First, I made the decision to refuse to regret my relationship. It was good, I was loved and adored and everything that was said and promised during my relationship was true. I had no reason to regret. Don’t look back, replay your entire relationship and get yourself sick over it. Try to get to the place where you can “remember in peace.”

Second, I made the decision I would not speak badly of my ex. Nothing I said would bring him back, good or bad. I am only accountable for the actions I take and I want to look back on life knowing I did my best to value everyone in my life. We need to respect each other.

Last, I decided I would look forward to the future knowing that I was loved, I am loved and would be loved again. It’s not easy, and it’s something I remind myself of daily but even if I don’t know the future I know that life only gets better. I learned to love and to be loved. That is valuable.

But in the meantime, in the midst of the pain that envelopes your body, the lonely days, the sad nights, remember that YOU are loved. Someone out there thought you were worth pursuing and someone else will again.

One of the best pieces of advice I got was distract yourself…here are few things I recommend:

1) Pamper, Pamper, Pamper! Get a manicure and a pedicure. If you can afford it, go get it done professionally. If not, find a bunch of friends and pamper each other.

2) Change it up a bit! Get a new hair do. Whether you dye your hair bright red or just get a hair trim…sometimes getting compliments about your new look is a great confidence boost!

3) Take a trip. I’m blessed enough to live in Europe and have the means to travel. I went to Paris, Stockholm and NYC…maybe you could go camping, backpacking through Europe or on a missions trip.

4) Do something for someone else, every day…even if it’s simply a nice note. Take your mind off your past and do something fun!

5) Grab a journal, a good pen and find a fabulous cafe. Stop, breathe in and then write down your dreams, goals and aspirations. Start planning your future.

Most importantly, remember you need to heal. It may takes days, weeks or months but let yourself heal. Some days you will feel incredible. Other days you’ll want to hide in your bed. Please remember that you are so worth loving. Your value is not in who you are dating or married to. Your value is in the incredible person you were created to be. Your purpose is your own and no decision that someone else makes can alter your destiny.

Post by Michelle

Happy people dont…

be yourself and no one else.