"Probably one of the most painful things about being abused is the shame I felt. Shame because I guess I should have been able to somehow prevent it, stop it or do something."
NEW BLOG POST! Finding Worth In Myself
It’s the time of the year when there are new beginnings. Fall is on its way, which means the school bells start ringing. No matter how old you are, school can be a rough environment. Not all the time, but it certainly can be; especially in your teenage years. High school is a jungle of people trying to find themselves and figure out what they want in life. Certain things that happen on that journey may or may not lower our self esteem and make us feel bad about ourselves. From bullies, to cliches, to down right crummy relationships, it’s no wonder teens are angsty and frustrated with the world and themselves.
You may see people sitting by themselves at lunch, while a crowd is laughing under their breathe. You may know that one guy in your science class that no one has taken the chance to get to know because he seems different. Even the girl who is the Regina George (Mean Girls reference) of the school is hurting inside. Everyone is searching, wondering, and hurting, they may just hide it differently then you.
And if you are the girl sitting alone, or the different one in class, by no means does that define you. If I could change one thing about high school, it would be that people feel the need to let how they are treated in high school define them for life. The people I found at lunch alone are the most amazing people I know today.
Guess what, HERE’S THE SECRET…the sooner we see that we are worth loving, the road gets so much easier! And once we realize it about ourselves, we can spread the love and make others feel loved as well. How awesome is that to have the satisfaction of knowing we are worth loving, loved, and share with others that they are as well.
I challenge you to start this school year with confidence that you and everyone around you is worth love. Sit with the people who are alone, they may turn out to be the most genuine, nice people you know. The science guy who seems different may have a sense of humor that will have you laughing out of your chair. And the Regina George may think twice before bullying .You won’t know how big of an impact your confidence may have on someone else until you proudly show it.
I am worth loving.
designed by our Kory
I haven’t formally introduced myself, fellow SWL readers! I am Xanna, an eighteen year old Atlanta native. So we can get to know each other before I get started, here’s a few fun facts about me! I am a barista at my favorite local coffee shop. If I could be someone else for a day, I would want to be Laura Marling, Bon Iver (is that weird?), or Charity Rose Thielen. If I had to choose between a beach trip or mountain weekend, my heart belongs to the Blue Ridge Mountains. I write songs in my room. And I found So Worth Loving through mutual Atlanta friends!
Now that you’ve gotten to know a little bit about me, I have something to share that lays heavy on my heart. One word that can make someone cringe:
a n x i e t y.
Anxiety is something that can go from stressing about a deadline, to keeping us up at night and putting a damper on our daily lives. Either way, it is never any fun!
When I was in 9th grade, an adult in my life asked me if I was anxious due to constantly tearing at my clothes, biting my nails, and lack of focus, biting my lip, and never sleeping. She then explained to me that only insecure people ever feel anxious, and it would be looked down upon if I kept showing signs of anxiety disorders. As any ninth grader would feel, I was destroyed. I didn’t know what I was constantly anxious about, or even noticed it before she had pointed it out to me, but it was in my head after our conversation that I was an insecure person and that’s what was causing the signs of uneasiness. Going on through high school, still an anxious teenager, I always felt like something was wrong with me, as most of us did in those lovely teen years. To be honest, sometimes when I catch myself biting my lip or over thinking and worrying about a situation, I still get the feeling that it’s wrong to be feeling how I am - which only makes the anxiety worse.
But here’s the thing, anxiety is not anything to be ashamed of! I am still convinced that everyone gets anxious, nervous, and stressed sometimes. What it comes down to is knowing that being anxious does not immediately make you an insecure person. It makes you human. It does not make you less worthy of love. Because no matter what our emotions are, everyone is worthy of love and loving themselves. So next time you sense someone is anxious or uneasy, let them know you’re there for them! And remind yourself that anxious or not, you are human who can love themselves, and be loved in return - anxious or not!
Your value does not lie on your decision making ability.
What happens when your plans don’t come to fruition? What does it feel like when the plans you made with someone fall tragically to the wayside? How do you respond when a decision you made and acted on for your life turns out to be the “wrong” one?
Do you feel downcast? Does your heart feel heavy inside your chest? Is your worth called into question (mainly by you and no one else).
You are not alone. These feelings of sadness, rejection, confusion and lack of self-worth happen to many or perhaps, dare I say, ALL of us.
But know this…one day the sadness will lift. Old plans will be replaced by new ones. Dreams will fill the pages of your journal, dreams that outshine what currently feels like the be all and end all of dreams.
Remember that no one else’s decisions can change your destiny. True, they may change the path to getting there but if something good is meant for you, it will come to fruition.
Your value does not lie on your decision making ability. It does not lie in whether someone chose to spend their life with you. And it definitely does not lie in what you do.
You, yes you, are so worth loving. Don’t let any bump in your road tell you otherwise.
POST BY MICHELLE
It took me 28 years to fall in love. It was quick, it was deep and I thought it was forever. When 4 months later my ex broke up with me it was less his decision to end it that hurt me and more my future and my heart disappearing and the fact that I had no clue he felt that way. 10 weeks later it still burns some days…
Break ups, whether for the best or a result of fear, immaturity or simply moving to fast, are never easy. You chose each other, believing that the other was so worth loving and yet it has ended. You need to pick yourself up and start looking forward…personally, I made three decisions…
First, I made the decision to refuse to regret my relationship. It was good, I was loved and adored and everything that was said and promised during my relationship was true. I had no reason to regret. Don’t look back, replay your entire relationship and get yourself sick over it. Try to get to the place where you can “remember in peace.”
Second, I made the decision I would not speak badly of my ex. Nothing I said would bring him back, good or bad. I am only accountable for the actions I take and I want to look back on life knowing I did my best to value everyone in my life. We need to respect each other.
Last, I decided I would look forward to the future knowing that I was loved, I am loved and would be loved again. It’s not easy, and it’s something I remind myself of daily but even if I don’t know the future I know that life only gets better. I learned to love and to be loved. That is valuable.
But in the meantime, in the midst of the pain that envelopes your body, the lonely days, the sad nights, remember that YOU are loved. Someone out there thought you were worth pursuing and someone else will again.
One of the best pieces of advice I got was distract yourself…here are few things I recommend:
1) Pamper, Pamper, Pamper! Get a manicure and a pedicure. If you can afford it, go get it done professionally. If not, find a bunch of friends and pamper each other.
2) Change it up a bit! Get a new hair do. Whether you dye your hair bright red or just get a hair trim…sometimes getting compliments about your new look is a great confidence boost!
3) Take a trip. I’m blessed enough to live in Europe and have the means to travel. I went to Paris, Stockholm and NYC…maybe you could go camping, backpacking through Europe or on a missions trip.
4) Do something for someone else, every day…even if it’s simply a nice note. Take your mind off your past and do something fun!
5) Grab a journal, a good pen and find a fabulous cafe. Stop, breathe in and then write down your dreams, goals and aspirations. Start planning your future.
Most importantly, remember you need to heal. It may takes days, weeks or months but let yourself heal. Some days you will feel incredible. Other days you’ll want to hide in your bed. Please remember that you are so worth loving. Your value is not in who you are dating or married to. Your value is in the incredible person you were created to be. Your purpose is your own and no decision that someone else makes can alter your destiny.
Post by Michelle
Somedays you don’t feel pretty… but that doesn’t mean you aren’t.